he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
