the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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