i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
