I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
