Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
