i jhust puked up my retainher.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
