Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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