your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
