I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
