Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
