yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
