dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
