we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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