So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
