She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
