yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
