I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
