I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
