Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize