remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
