dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he shaved USA in his pubs
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
