I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
