I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
