well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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