i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There r osticjed everywhere
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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