I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He passed out mid-signature
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
