In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize