Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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