Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
