The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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