i need an iv and a liver transplant
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
