You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize