we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
