Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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