I must be too annoying 4 u.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
