so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
