The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
