Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
