You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
