Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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