You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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