I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
