threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
