It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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