so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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