turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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