Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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