Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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