Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
