im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
