I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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