guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
