waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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