You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
