i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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