i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
