I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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