woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
