i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
