pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
