So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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