thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
