I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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