dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
