I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
