Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
