He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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